


unlove's the heavenless hell (twice i have lived forever in a smile)

by Draco_sollicitus



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Cuddling, Demisexuality, Discussions of Sex and Sexuality, F/M, Figuring Out My Place In All This, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Nothing but soft things for the trio, Touch-Starved Rey, jedistormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 13:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15195338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draco_sollicitus/pseuds/Draco_sollicitus
Summary: Rey tries to deal with her feelings for Finn and her crush on Poe Dameron - and the fact that the two men are in a happy relationship is a slightly complicating factor. When the two discover Rey's been yearning for physical, platonic contact, she enters into a relationship that may appear strange to outside parties, but feels nothing but correct to them.





	unlove's the heavenless hell (twice i have lived forever in a smile)

**Author's Note:**

> * This fic is rated T, but Rey does talk/think about sex frankly - no depiction of sex though, just her figuring out sexuality and her 'place in all this.' She's demisexual in this fic, and Poe/Finn are bisexual and in an open relationship.
> 
>  
> 
> **Work title from ee cummings' poem, "since feeling is first"
> 
> unlove’s the heavenless hell and homeless home
> 
> of knowledgeable shadows(quick to seize  
> each nothing which all soulless wraiths proclaim  
> substance;all heartless spectres,happiness)
> 
> lovers alone wear sunlight. The whole truth
> 
> not hid by matter;not by mind revealed  
> (more than all dying life,all living death)  
> and never which has been or will be told
> 
> sings only–and all lovers are the song.
> 
> Here(only here)is freedom:always here  
> no then of winter equals now of spring;  
> but april’s day transcends november’s year
> 
> (eternity being so sans until  
> twice i have lived forever in a smile)

The way Rey felt about Finn was uncomplicated – or so she thought.

He was the first person to ever come back for her, the first person to smile at her and make her feel like she was important – he was pretty, and funny, and _kind,_ and he showed her that people weren’t set in their Fate, that they could always make a better choice (a demonstration of humanity that caused her to make a very bad judgement call not three days after she’d met Finn – and now she repeats to herself _not all people are Finn. Not all people are Good_ over and over again, hoping the message will sink in when the Bond re-opens because of course it will re-open). She looked at Finn, and she felt warm, not desert-sun-warm or sickness-warm, but soft warm, warm like the hugs Finn and Rose were so free with, warm like a mother-Porg’s nest.

She thought the way she felt about Finn was uncomplicated, but when Poe Dameron was thrown into the mix –

Well. Poe Dameron was a complication.

Rey watched, mystified, as Poe pressed Finn up against a durasteel wall mid-party some two weeks after they escaped Crait, Black Squadron and Dagger and Gold and Red all shouting in excitement as Poe’s cheeks, already reddened from drink, turned pinker and pinker, and Finn’s hands – at first pressed against the wall for support – threaded through Poe’s black curls. Finn giggled wildly after the kiss – Poe pressed his lips into his cheek one last time, and Rey admired the way Poe’s straight jawline was highlighted by the action. Poe Dameron kissed the man Rey was so convinced she had feelings for –

But she didn’t feel jealous.

They both looked so happy, so complete while kissing, and Rey thought _well, that looks pleasant,_ and a warmth she wasn’t as familiar with erupted in her stomach. It was a heat – not desert-heat, not sickness-heat, not Finn-heat – that she was entirely unfamiliar with. This was Poe-warmth, and she wasn’t sure if she liked it, or how to replicate it.

She stood in the ‘fresher after the party, closed her eyes, imagined Finn kissing her the way Poe had kissed the ex-trooper.

Nothing.

She worked shampoo through her hair, considered Poe’s lips on hers. And – nothing.

Was it the passion she was interested in, then? She’d thought that outburst of emotion was only possible during the heat of battle, a struggle for survival – but Poe and Finn had come alive while kissing, and other couples on base did too –

 Rey turned off the water and stood there for a moment, hip cocked out, hand on the protruding joint, fingers tapping against wet skin. She shook her head and sighed, grabbed her towel, and walked out, not any more understanding of her reaction.

***

Rey continued to watch Poe and Finn out of the corner of her eye – they weren’t always affectionate in public, but they were always – _around_ each other. Present for each other. It made her feel lonely at the same time it made her feel – almost fond.

Poe leaned into Finn laughing when Snap told a story in the mess. Rey blushed when Finn caught her looking.

Finn ran fingers unthinkingly through Poe’s curls while he read through a holo-report, Poe’s head resting against Finn’s thigh, his lithe body stretched across the bench – Poe smiled lazily at her while he reached up to stroke Finn’s calf. Rey darted away from the room.

It seemed almost like they were doing it on purpose, sometimes, being physical near her. She didn’t feel that heat, but she felt _longing._

She sat in her bunk at night and punched her pillow into a shape that could almost be mistaken for a carbon-lifeform if you squinted and had a hot water bottle and were desperate for human contact (and Rey managed all of those things), and thought about Finn’s arms around her on the Falcon, and then on Crait. She thought about the time Poe had wrapped a jovial arm around her while they watched Finn take his first solo flight on a starship. She thought about Leia’s hands wrapped around hers, she even thought about a pretty pair of eyes gleaming at her in the dark, his own desperately lonely hand outstretched –

It wasn’t passion Rey wanted, she realized, tears forming in her eyes one night. She wasn’t hurtling towards some violation of the Jedi Code, some lapse of control, some rutting in the dark with a faceless form until a base need (that she’d never even really _felt,_ what _need_ could trump water? Food? Survival?) was met.

She just wanted to be held. To be touched. To be warm with the feeling of another person near her.

Was that so wrong?

***

“I’m the best pilot here,” Snap assured them over a loud game of sabacc one day. Rey snorted from her perch up on the crates – they’d set up shop in a smoky underground chamber, the pilots disregarding Leia’s ‘no gambling’ initiative while still desperately fearing Leia, and Rey had decided to watch, not participate, part of her duties as Jedi, after all, protect the people – and watched Poe lean back in his chair to examine his friend.

“You ain’t bantashit, Wexley,” Poe scolded. Right. Snap was a nickname. Rey wondered how he’d got it – Poe had nicknames for all of them. He’d even named Finn. It must be nice, to be named by the person who loved you.

“I beat your record in the sim, Dameron,” Snap banged his hands rhythmically on the card table (really just planks of wood propped up on duracrete bricks).

“That was a bug in the system, and you know it!” Poe argued, hand raised. His hands were nice, Rey realized. She knew they were talented, knew they were skilled and could be gentle and nimble and confident – but they also looked, objectively, nice. Tan, slightly hairy on the backs, large wrists, long fingers – she cocked her head at that thought, and almost missed Snap’s rebuttal.

“Yeah, yeah, I know you think you’re the best the Resistance has –“ And that was really too much.  Rey felt oddly defensive, and wished for her staff.

“He’s _not_ the best pilot in the Resistance,” Rey said. Poe looked up, a cocky smirk already on his face, clearly about to argue with her, but she shook her head. “He’s the best pilot in the galaxy!”

The cockiness bled out of Poe’s face so quickly, she was almost worried he’d pass out. While Snap snorted and muttered, “Oh, that’s cute, get the Jedi to back you up,” Poe Dameron _blushed_.

Rey made Poe Dameron blush.

Interesting.

What was more interesting was that less than two minutes later, Finn came back from the drink table, reclaimed his seat next to Poe and handed a cup of booze to him; Finn leaned over and whispered two words to Poe, words that were easier to read on his lips from across the room, up here on her crate.

_Told you._

Poe swatted at Finn and shook his head, blushing even harder. Finn nuzzled under his ear, and the disgruntled look left Poe’s face. The pilot’s head tipped to the side and slightly back, giving Finn more leeway to kiss his neck, hungry, desperate kisses – Poe’s hand drifted upwards blindly to press against the back of Finn’s neck, holding him in place. Rey looked away embarrassed, feeling like she’d been burned, when Poe’s eyes opened and met hers – she burned because Poe _didn’t_ look embarrassed.

He looked inviting.

***

She couldn’t sleep that night. Rey thrashed around for a while, even tried sleeping with her head on the floor, her legs still on the mattress – and thank the _gods_ the Bond hadn’t opened, how she’d even explain that position to Him was beyond her reckoning – before giving up entirely. She pulled on a soft tunic that fell to her knees and walked out into the corridors, lit to suggest Standard Nighttime.

Rey traipsed around the halls, her right hand trailing along the cool durasteel wall while she tried to sort through the crushing, agonizing loneli-

No. _That’s how you end up in huts with sad boys and an angry master,_ Rey scolded herself. Even if she did open the Bond and talk to Him in an attempt to undercut her grief and allay her feelings of isolation, she’d be using him, just as much as he’d used her and her own sadness in the days before Crait.

Regulated breathing was the way to go – Rey breathed in through her nose, out through her mouth, forcing her limbs to relax while she walked, and she turned the corner back towards the sleeping quarters; she ran right into a solid body.

“Ouch!” It shouted. And then: “Rey?”

“Finn!” Rey smiled at him easily, much of the tension in her shoulders bleeding away. She always loved seeing Finn. “How are you?”

“Good.” Finn yawned and looked at her oddly. “I got up to come check on you. You looked… weird after sabacc.”

“I felt weird,” Rey admitted, cheeks flushing. “I couldn’t sleep. So I thought I’d take a walk.”

“You okay, Peanut?” Finn asked. She wrinkled her nose at the nickname – Finn had bestowed it upon her after she’d discovered the treat en masse in the storage facilities downstairs and had eaten roughly four pounds of them before getting ill.

“I’ll be okay,” she assured him. His gaze didn’t relent, and she felt her shoulders slump. “I just…I felt lonely, is all. It’s … it feels weird to see you and Poe together. Oh! And Kare and Snap too, of course,” she added in a rush at the odd look on Finn’s face. Stars. She was karked now. “I just mean – it’s just – I get lonely,” she sagged fully, against the wall. “And after we escaped from Jakku together, I always sort of – I mean, I didn’t expect anything, exactly…” _It was easy._ She wanted to say. _I just wanted it to stay easy, what we had._

“Why didn’t you say something?” Finn asked, leaning on the wall next to her.

“Felt silly to say something,” Rey laughed, not looking over at him. “You and Poe are so happy together. Perfect, even. And I’m not jealous, not at all, I swear. It’s …” she trailed off, frustrated as ever at her inability to express herself.

“It’s what?” Finn sounded entirely curious, and not at all judgmental. “C’mon, you can tell me. Believe me, all this,” he gestured broadly with his hand, “is new to me, too.”

“You two are having sex.” Rey said it bluntly, fought a wince. She wasn’t embarrassed of sex, not at all, she understood it mechanically. But she dreaded the conversation that was sure to follow.

“Yes,” Finn was still looking at her. She was still looking away. “…what of it?”

“I’m not having sex,” Rey said.

“Oh!” Finn sounded slightly confused and almost – disappointed? “Well, I’m sure someone would be happy to –“

“It’s not about someone,” Rey said before burying her face in her hands. “I feel like…something is wrong with me. I don’t – I don’t want to have sex with someone, Finn. I don’t think I want to have sex with anyone. At least, not right now, when it’s all jumbled up.”

“So what’s the problem?” Finn was at her shoulder now, and his warmth was so much, almost too much. Kriff. “There isn’t anything wrong with not having sex. Plenty of people don’t.”

“Just because I don’t want to have sex doesn’t mean I don’t want anything.” It burst out of her before she could stop it. “I – I see what you and Poe have, how close you are, and … I wanted that with you. And I still want it. I want it with you, or with him. Someone – kind. Someone who –“ She felt tears tremble in her eyes, and she looked away quickly, rage and mortification swirling through her. She made a fool of herself. Pathetic.

A pair of strong arms enveloped her, and Rey sagged into it, almost sobbing from relief. Finn aligned himself next to her, and it should be awkward, how he was embracing her against a wall at 0300, but it felt right, it felt so, so right.

“The word you’re looking for is intimacy, I’m pretty sure.” Finn’s voice was soft in her ear, and she collapsed further into his arms. “Poe taught it to me, the uh, first time. Apparently it’s not good form to jump out of bed the second you’re done with sex, but it was … all I knew. Poe coaxed me back, though. And I learned that what comes after – it’s just important. Just as nice. It’s nice during, too, with him. I always thought it was supposed to be rote, mechanical. It’s not, though. It’s – it can be more than that. It doesn’t hurt that he likes to be close… for all of it.” She could feel Finn’s blush as he added the last part, and she nodded, shivering from the picture Finn painted. She hadn’t thought about the aspect of ‘closeness’ of sex.

“Sounds nice,” she whispered. Finn nodded as well, and then he cleared his throat.

“Do you want to come back to our bunk?” He asked. Rey stiffened, and he hastened to add, “Not – not for sex, of course. To sleep. Poe – he was worried about you, too. And we have a double bed, more than enough room, and—”

“Yes,” Rey said, standing upright, and Finn came with her, one arm still looped around her waist. “Yes! That sounds nice.” Finn smiled and led the way down the corridor to the room he shared with Poe. He punched the access code in. The doors hissed open. Rey felt something strange curling in her gut. She’d spent the night in someone else’s bunk one time – Jess had let her crash after a late night mission, and Rey had slept on the other end of the bed, curled up but wide awake at the alluring prospect of another person so close to her for hours on end – and this felt unfamiliar.

“Picked up a hitchhiker,” Finn called out jokingly, but quietly, into the darkened room. A prone figure on the bed shifted, and then sat up, wiping his eyes.

“Oh, tha’s good,” Poe mumbled. And then he blinked and seemed to wake up slightly. “Oh! Rey! Hey there, Sunshine.” Rey burned hotter than any of the suns at the nickname. She loved it. It was her favorite name for herself.

She didn’t know where the name Rey came from – she knew where Sunshine came from. It came from Poe Dameron, and it sounded like a million credits in his sleep-roughened voice.

“Hi,” she whispered shyly. Finn took her hand – _stop taking my hand!_ her protest from months ago echoed in her mind – and led her forward. She went willingly. “Finn said it might be alright if I stayed here? For tonight?” Rey hated how nervous she sounded. She’d faced Sith Lords with less trepidation.

“Of course!” Poe managed to be his enthusiastic self even half-awake. She shouldn’t find that so charming. “Nuestra casa, su casa.”

“Um, what?” Rey said, laughing quietly. Finn shook his head at her and laughed conspiratorially.

“No one here speaks Yavinese, babe.” Finn shoved Poe’s shoulder, and the other man rolled with a groan. “Make room for us.”

“Mkay.” Poe went easily until his back was to the wall. Rey hesitated for a millisecond (when she’d slept with Jess, they’d slept ‘foot to head’ a suggestion made cheerily by the female pilot, a suggestion Rey had pretended not to be crestfallen over) before Finn pointed to the space in front of Poe.

“He’s really warm,” Finn said encouragingly. “Wanna take middle?”

Yes. Yes, she really kriffing did.

Rey eased herself onto the mattress and wiggled backwards, until she could sense Poe about an inch away from her. She sighed, the heat radiating off of him wonderful enough – and she’d stumbled into their bunk without his permission, only Finn’s, so maybe she shouldn’t even touch Poe – before a strong arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her backward.

“Your hair smells nice,” Poe commented idly before his breathing became heavy again. Rey, who’d been blushing since she walked in, felt her whole body catch on fire. Poe felt amazing, and when Finn lay down in front of her, facing her, and draped his own arm around her waist, she felt –

Happy.

Rey was happy, wrapped up and comforted and she felt –

Right. This felt right.

She cried for a few brief, quiet seconds, and Finn’s hand left her back to wipe the tears from her cheeks. He didn’t comment on it, and neither did she, and all three of them slept through the night.

***

They kept up this odd arrangement once a week at first – but after a particularly terrifying dogfight where Rey’s main engine had failed after a direct hit from a Knight of Ren’s TIE-Silencer, she’d heard a banging at her door, and opened it to discover a sheepish Finn and a Poe so anxious, he was almost vibrating out of his skin.

“Sorry about this,” Finn began, but Poe pushed forward into the room, looked around quickly, and then stared at her.

“Come with us.” It was an order, and Rey didn’t hide the confusion she felt. “Just. Get your things if you want, or just come by yourself, but – stay with us. Tonight. Every night. We’ll figure it out.” He stormed out without another word, and Finn snorted and stared after him fondly.

“Big bully,” he joked, and then walked in, wrapping Rey up in a tight hug. His lips were warm on the side of her head, and Rey smiled into the embrace, her face buried in his broad shoulder. “He means it, though. He’s been going out of his mind for the last hour. You should have heard him when we got back, he’s been so worried about you.”

“I heard him on the comms,” Rey pointed out dryly. “Never thought to put those curse words together.” Finn snorted in agreement, and Rey pulled away from the hug (reluctantly) to look at Finn closely when she asked, “Why was he worried about me? I’m alive.”

“He’s worried about a post-fight crash, or something,” Finn shrugged. “And he cares about you, Peanut. That shouldn’t surprise you.”

But it did. She knew Finn cared about her. They’d been through the hells together, basically learned how to be people together – Rey was still learning, to be fair, and Finn seemed to be top of their class as far as keeping up with social conventions went – and she loved him as unconditionally as he loved her. It didn’t need saying aloud. It just was.

But Poe Dameron was complicated. She had no idea what he was thinking, ever, his Force Signature a dazzling plume of golden energy, kinetic and unstoppable, and distracting.

It didn’t help that she seemed to have a crush on him.

“Okay.” Rey picked up the few items she’d owned, the few she’d managed to scrounge together in the hangar bay, and wrapped them in her blanket. “Ready?”

“Definitely.” Finn beamed at her, offered her his hand and his help – she took one, not the other – and they strode down the corridor together.

They caught more than a few odd looks, but people for the most part didn’t seem to care that Poe Dameron’s long-term partner was walking around holding hands with the elusive, unpredictable, and problematic (she knew what most stares meant) Jedi.

When they arrived at the room, the door was already open, and Poe was standing there, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Rey gave him a curious once-over before walking in and greeting BB-8.

[Hero-Rey!] It chirped. [Welcome to our home!] Poe nudged the droid with his foot. [ Your home] it corrected. [Friend-Finn and Master-Poe are excited to have you.]

“We really are,” Finn confirmed, crossing his arms over his chest and smiling down at the droid. He didn’t mesh with it at quite the same level as Rey and Poe did, but they got along decently. Finn had even learned Binary to talk to the little guy, something that, when revealed, had caused Poe’s eyes to go all soft (they’d disappeared from the mess three minutes later, and hadn’t emerged for two hours, lovebites covering Poe’s neck).

“I cleared out some space in the closet for your things.” Poe pointed backward, and Rey lifted her eyebrows. Right. He was a senior officer. He got fancy things like a personal ‘fresher, a double bed, and a real closet.

“Never had a closet,” Rey said softly, walking towards it. “I mean, I slept in one for a while.”

Finn nodded, but Poe inhaled sharply. “You _what_?”

“On Jakku,” Rey blushed and set her small bundle down carefully in a drawer that was pulled out, a small empty space that was only half-filled by her meager possessions. She fiddled with them unnecessarily while she filled in the blank. “Unkar – the junk boss who…owned me – he had a closet in a hut at the back of the scrap heap. Said I’d be out of the way back there.”

“How old were you?” Rey stood and examined Poe’s face. “How long were you there?” Cold fury was etched into his handsome features, and she fought back a flinch of anxiety.

“My contract with him was ten years,” she admitted. “I slept there from when I was five? I think? To about fifteen. Bought out my contract eventually, moved out into the desert.”

Finn grinned at her, clearly pleased at her liberating herself – Poe looked horrified. Right. He’d spent an uncomfortable time trying to survive on Jakku. He probably thought the desert was a death sentence (which it was, but she was alive, wasn’t she?).

Poe must have realized that he was increasing her discomfort because he shook himself visibly. “Right, so, um. Lights out at 2100. I need my beauty sleep.” She laughed with Finn, and Poe wandered away, the back of his neck deep red, but she couldn’t stop herself from giggling.

Poe Dameron didn’t need to get any prettier. What on earth did he need beauty sleep for?

***

A month into their sleeping arrangement (Rey tried her hardest to vacate the room with various, complicated excuses for an hour each evening, wanting to give them privacy – _you can stay,_ Finn whispered to her three days ago, his hand warm on her wrist. _You wouldn’t be – unwanted._ But she’d smiled and shook her head, not even wanting to take up Finn’s offer to _just watch, I’m pretty sure he’d like that, too_ because sure, Finn wanted her there, but did Poe?), Rey and Poe were assigned together in the hangar bay to work on mods for Black One.

He was thrilled with her current adjustments to the ion engines, and she was showing him out to fine-tune the workings of it in case it went hay-wire when she wasn’t there, when she made a massive mistake.

Namely, she said what had been on her mind for months, now, made impossible to ignore working and sweating in close quarters with him –

“Has anyone ever told you…?” She started, and then cut herself off, blushing. They were up at the workbench now, and Poe smiled at her.

“Told me what?” He asked. “That I should be in the holos?” He preened and flexed his not-inconsiderable muscles. Rey snorted and shoved his arm. This wouldn’t be easy, but she didn’t want to lie.

“You smell…green,” Rey said, and Poe dropped his cheesy act immediately to look at her seriously. “That sounds silly, yeah? But. You just. You smell green. Alive. Yeah, okay, I think I hear Chewie calling me, gotta—”

“I grew up on Yavin 4.” Poe’s voice had taken on that somber, genuine quality that made everyone listen. She gravitated towards him unthinkingly, and his face was awash with – she knew that expression. Longing. Poe missed something.

“Where’s that?” Rey asked curiously.

“Far away from here.” He laughed ruefully and dropped the wrench he’d been holding. It clanged on the table. “I miss it. My pa lives there. He has a farm, he plants all kinds of things including koyo melons, my favorite. I used to work on it before I took off for the Academy, but it was my life, and it was a good one. That might explain the green. Yavin’s mostly jungle.”

“Jungle?” She didn’t know the word, couldn’t conceive an image of it.

“Like a really thick forest.” Oh, yes, forest. She knew that from D’Qar, from Takodana. “Green for miles, all you can see is green. The air is thick and humid, and there are animals everywhere, and –“ He stopped talking, bit his lip.  “Sorry. Don’t meant to ramble at you.” He fidgeted with another tool and didn’t meet her eyes.

 “It sounds wonderful. Tell me more about it?” Rey asked, biting her lip. She picked a spanner up and held it loosely in her hand, and Poe smiled shyly.

“You – you really wanna hear me go on about it? Because I can, uh, I can really talk. Especially about home.”

Home to Rey was a small double bed with three warm bodies huddled together – she had a feeling she could talk about that for a long time, too.

“I don’t mind!” Rey said, perking up in eagerness to learn more about Poe. “I’d love to hear about it. I ate a koyo melon once, it was _amazing,_ I swear I can still taste it sometimes. What was it like to grow up surrounded by all that green?” She hopped up on the worktable and crossed her legs underneath herself; she gazed expectantly into Poe’s face.

He was blushing. He huffed a laugh and rested his hands on the worktable in front of her, and then he peered curiously into her face. She fought the urge to make a silly expression, and returned his look with what she hoped was an open read into her excitement to hear more. Poe huffed again, shook his head and started to talk:

“So, the rainy season is a bit of a misnomer, because it rains, like, all the time…”

***

He talked for forty-five minutes. She hung on every word, not moving a muscle, afraid she’d startle him out of his thoughtful reflection.

In the last five minutes, Finn walked up and heard what Poe was talking about. He smiled fondly at his partner and leaned against the worktable, gesturing for Poe to keep talking. The pilot did keep talking, a smile that was exactly self-conscious as it was extremely pleased playing at his plush mouth.

His mouth, Rey corrected herself. She had no business of thinking of how plush Poe’s mouth was.

Even if she did catch him staring at her own mouth at dinner later.

Even if she caught Finn doing the exact same thing.

***

“I wanna try something new,” Finn said that night. They were in their second most common position – Poe against the wall, Rey against Poe, Finn facing Rey (most common being Finn facing away from Rey, Rey’s arms around his middle – he said it made him feel safe once, something that had made her feel about a thousand feet tall for days).

“Okay!” Rey chirped. “I love new things.” Poe laughed behind her, more a soft exhalation of breath that warmed her back and her heart.

“I want to kiss you.” Kiss her? Oh.

_Oh._

“Okay,” Rey said nervously, looking over her shoulder at Poe. He was stroking his thumb over her hip, his hand a warm and pleasant weight against her side, and his potent brown gaze was leveled at the point of contact. He felt her looking at him, and he raised his eyes, smiled at her, and then went back to studying the way his tan skin looked against her tunic. Rey returned to Finn. “If you’re sure. You don’t need to.”

“I want to,” Finn laughed, and then grew serious. “If you do.”

“I’ll try it,” Rey decided. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“He’s good at it,” Poe commented serenely, his thumb still stroking along her side. It felt nice. Finn’s hand, gentle against her cheek, also felt nice.

Her friend – more than friend? What was Finn, if she loved him, but he wasn’t her lover – leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. There was a moment, an uncertainty, an almost nothingness, and then:

Finn parted his lips and pressed in slightly, eliminated some space she wasn’t aware had existed, his nose skating across her cheek as he angled his head and breathed in gently, stealing some of her breath in the process, his hand still soft and steady on her face, Poe’s hand still present at her hip. Finn kissed her for unbroken moments, his lips soft but somehow rough, probably chapped, his mouth tasting faintly of the caf he drank at every meal despite everyone’s protestation that he’d be wired all night. Rey figured out how to press back against it after a few moments, and Finn made a soft noise of encouragement in his throat. Her hand gripped his shirt where it was loose and bunched at his side and pulled him in more, liking that their knees banged together, liking that Finn made a semi-giggle as her fingers grazed a sensitive spot.

Kissing was more than lips, and more than mouths – it was closeness. And it ended not too soon, but not too long, and Rey smiled into the silence that followed.

“Wow,” Poe muttered, and Rey rolled back slightly to look at him – her cheeks burned when she brushed against something that had decidedly not been there a minute or so ago (but was there most mornings, and some nights when she tangled against him while adjusting for sleep). “Sorry – ah – sorry.” He angled her hips away from her, and she almost asked him not to, curious now if that would feel as good as what she and Finn had just done. Wouldn’t hurt to try, would it? And –

“Was that okay?” Finn asked, re-directing her attention.

“That was nice!” Rey declared, her face hurting from smiling so hard. “I liked that.”

“That’s good,” Finn laughed, leaning down to nibble at her lip gently. Rey wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “Not that, then.”

“I’m not food,” Rey complained, and Finn giggled, bopping her nose with his large finger. Rey giggled and swatted him back.

Poe took that moment to kiss her shoulder, a row of kisses, controlled and pleasant; his mouth was hot and open against her skin, between her tunic and her arm wrapping, and Rey sighed in contentment while his fingers drifted up and down her arm. Finn reached out and laced his fingers through Poe’s when the pilot’s hand made it to Rey’s waist, and they left their clasped hands there, warm and almost-loving if you squinted hard enough, and Rey’s heart swelled to an impossible size.

“This is nice,” she whispered.

“I think so too,” Finn smiled at her, leaning in one more time to run his lips over her hair.

“Eh, it’s alright,” Poe teased, his body pressing in closer, a warm and steady furnace against her back. Rey elbowed backwards, hitting flesh, and Poe pretend to _oof_  in protest. “Okay, okay, this is great. You’re both great.” Rey hmphed in agreement, and the three of them faded into a contented silence.

A few minutes later, when Rey was so, so close to falling asleep, Poe whispered:

“I know y’all are comfortable but... what if I have to go to the bathroom?”

Rey giggled, a warm and happy bubble bursting in her chest, and Finn made a rude noise with his mouth. “Hold it in, flyboy.”

***

Poe kissed her the next night while Finn held her hand, and Rey did something very unexpected – she gasped when Poe’s tongue slid, hot, strange, but not unwanted, into her mouth.

“Sorry,” Poe said, pulling away. “Sorry, sorry, shouldn’t have –“

“No!” Rey protested, shaking her head and fisting his shirt in her hand to tug him back, to get him to get closer to her again, which he did cheerfully. “No, try that again, I think I liked that.”

He did it again; she liked it that time, too. When Poe’s hands lingered questioningly at the bottom of her tunic, though, she shook her head. Poe nodded and smiled breezily as ever and kissed her nose gently before pulling Finn down in a much rougher version of the same kiss he’d given Rey. Finn returned the favor though, Rey noted while watching them kiss above her, his tongue entering Poe’s mouth, both of them groaning softly but not wantonly at the contact.

They fell asleep first, and Rey dealt with the odd, coursing heat in her body by doing what she did best. Ignoring it.

***

Finn wasn’t there the next night, not even at lights out.

“Where’s Finn?” Rey asked nervously, fiddling with the ends of her tunic.

“At Rose’s,” he answered nonchalantly. He poked around Beebee’s charging station – it had gone on the fritz earlier that day. Rey snorted and kneeled down next to him, pointed out the fried circuitry. He muttered a thanks and reconnected a few wires with a satisfying _zap_ suggesting his success.

They stood up and got ready for bed, Rey looking away quickly when Poe shucked off his shirt and pants with a calm, military efficiency. She’d seen him in nothing but his underclothes by now, of course, but undressing seemed so private, and while she and Finn had used the ‘fresher standing side by side, she wasn’t sure if that was something, an intimacy, she was afforded with Poe Dameron.

“I can hear you thinking,” he said lazily. Rey blushed and looked over at him, clutching her sleep-clothes to her half-naked body. He gestured at her to dress if she wanted, and turned around pointedly. Rey blushed to her ears and dropped the tunic. Fine. Let him see her in nothing but her breast band. She didn’t care.

“What’s Finn doing at Rose’s so late?” She asked, walking forward to the bed and sitting down. Poe raised his eyebrows when he saw her lack of clothing but didn’t comment, a fact she appreciated.

“Well, Sunshine,” He grinned and plopped down next to her. “I imagine they’re having sex.”

“They’re _what_?” Rey squawked. “But ... you two have sex!” Poe kept smiling at her mischievously, and she grew increasingly flustered. “Do you two … not … anymore? Is it my fault? Am I in the way?”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Poe looked concerned now, and Rey swallowed her continued anxieties. “No, sweetheart, don’t ever think you’re in the way. No. Um, me and Finn still do that, he just – he likes Rose, ya know? And she really likes him. So they…scratch that itch together sometimes.” He smiled at her, not even a single hint of jealousy in his face, and scratched his chest, yawning.

Rey stared at him in shock. “And you’re… okay with that?”

“Of course I am,” Poe smiled at her, as unfairly pretty as ever, brown eyes glowing from the bedside light. “Why wouldn’t I be? He’s young, she’s great, and they make each other happy. Everyone’s happy.”

“I’m just so new to this,” Rey laughed. “All of it. I’m still figuring so much out. I thought it was just two people, which is why I was so confused – but happy – when you asked me to move in with you.”

“I love Finn,” Poe said calmly. The twinkle in his eyes was kind. “A lot. A whole kriffing lot. But sex is weird, Sunshine. People want what they want, I try not to get to karked about it.”

“Ah.” Rey nodded, and then the usual question boiled to the surface. She flinched and fought it back down.

“What.” She didn’t say anything, so he nudged her gently, a full body nudge that felt pleasant when she realized it probably should have felt annoying. “What, Sunshine. What are you holding back?”

_Everything._

“It’s stupid.”

“If it’s something that’s bugging you, I highly doubt it’s stupid,” Poe said patiently.

“Do you think you could ever –” Rey cut herself off, blushing. She held her elbow awkwardly and looked away from Poe. She was supposed to be confident, damnit, the last of the Jedi. But she was so insecure about this sort of thing, these foreign feelings, especially when it came to handsome pilots with cute boyfriends and galaxy-wide fame.

“Do I think I could ever _what_ , Sunshine?” When she looked over at him again, Poe was smiling softly at her, his eyes soft, wrinkled at the corners. He had laugh lines. Rey liked that about Poe Dameron. She liked lots of things about him.

She sighed. He wouldn’t judge her. Not if she knew anything about him. “Do you think you could ever…love me like you love Finn?” She blushed harder, and looked down from his face, but didn’t turn away.

A pause, a beat, and then: “Oh, sweetheart.” She clenched her eyes shut. Pity, then. He’d gone for pity. Technically better than malice or derision, but still.

A warm, calloused hand grasped her chin and guided her to look upwards. Rey willed herself to open her eyes, and when she did, she saw only kindness and affection in Poe’s face. At least the rejection wouldn’t sting as much.

“I don’t love you like Finn,” Poe confirmed, and Rey wilted. She understood, of course, she’d only so recently tripped into his and Finn’s rooms, hadn’t offered up really any part of herself, didn’t share physical intimacy the way he and Finn did, and – “I love you like Rey.”

“What?” Rey looked into his eyes, trying to understand. What she saw there caught her breath up.

Poe Dameron’s smile on a normal day made her heart stagger. Here, soft and sweet in the low light of his bunk – she might actually be one with the Force right now.

“I couldn’t love you like you were Finn. I love you like you’re Rey , because you’re the only Rey,” Poe laughed and slapped his forehead gently. “Gods, that sounds stupid. I’m tryna – I love you because you’re you, Sunshine, and that’s unique and special, and I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything.”

Disbelief, born of years of betrayal and heartbreak and abandonment pooled through her, sitting dark and cold in her gut. “Even though we haven’t –”

“Even if we never.” Poe’s smile was still patient, and warm, and understanding, and Rey felt tears form in her eyes. She blinked, mortified, and swiped at them with the wrappings on her wrist, and Poe tugged on her forearm. “C’mere, Sunshine.” She went down easily, Poe pulling her between his legs as he leaned back, and she ended up curled in his lap, like some needy little Loth-cat, his knees bracketing her body, her hands curled up on his chest next to her chin. Poe’s hand carded through her hair, and she definitely was mimicking a Loth-cat because something in her wanted to purr, wanted to-

Yep. She moaned, softly. It just felt so kriffing good, and Rey clapped a hand to her mouth. Poe laughed, a pleasant, rumbling sound under her ear. He didn’t stop his movements, and she felt and heard him say, “I’ll take that as a compliment, wild girl.”

“You should,” Rey whispered, a smile making its way to her lips. She nuzzled into him a little further, and Poe sighed happily.

“This is enough, you know,” he said, and she closed her eyes, basking in the gentleness of his tone. “If you never want more, or if you want more with him and not me – I love that you trust me, sweetheart. I know you haven’t had a lot of reason to trust anyone,” and his voice broke up, slightly, and Rey frowned, her own hand unconsciously reaching out to stroke along his stomach, up his ribs, to the hardened muscles of his obliques, where she tried to mimic the soothing circles he often rubbed into her own back. It worked because Poe laughed again. “Sorry, I uh. I get upset when the people I love are hurt. What I’m trying to say is: I know the galaxy hasn’t been kind to you. But me and Finn. We will be. I will be. I’m always gonna be there for you, Rey.”

Her eyes drifted shut, and she felt the Force singing to her gently, promising her good dreams, pulling her forward into sleep. Before she went under, she thought to murmur, “I love you too, Poe Dameron.”

“I know.” It was one of the first things he ever said to her, back on the Falcon, and hearing it now, with his heart echoing softly under her ear, lulling her into serenity, echoing like his words did through the Force, through time and space – two words with a flyboy’s confidence as he promised to be there forever –

She’d never get tired of hearing those words.

***

Finn came back to the bunk around 0230, smelling of machinery and flowers, and giggling slightly. He tripped over the staff left near the door, and Poe startled awake. He smiled at his lover, his brilliant smile lighting up the dark, and Poe grinned back sleepily. He spotted Rey curled up on the bed next to him.

“Room for one more?” He asked jokingly, already stepping out of his boots. Like they wouldn’t make room for him.

“Always,” Poe promised, sliding forward against Rey so Finn could fit in behind him. “You have a good night, soldier?” he asked, as Finn clambered over them slowly, so as not to disturb the sleeping Jedi.

“You know it,” Finn said, kissing Poe under the ear as he nestled in against the wall. “Ooooh, it’s so warm in here. That’s fantastic.”

“It really is,” Poe said thoughtfully, watching Rey’s nose twitch, listening to her soft breath, feeling her stomach rise and fall under the hand he’d splayed over her flat stomach.

“You’re fantastic,” Finn murmured, already close to sleep. He draped himself over Poe’s back like a cuddly Dianoga, and Poe snickered as Finn’s breath became heavy against his neck, the warm puffs of hair tickling against the curls on his nape. “Love you.”

“Love you,” Poe answered wonderingly. Finn’s arm draped over Poe’s side, until his hand rested on Rey’s thigh. And then, with a soft but sure exhalation, he was asleep, and Poe was surrounded on all sides by two wonderful, amazing people who’d chosen _him_. He was the luckiest, most Force-blessed person alive.

And he could get used to it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> my first jedistormpilot fic!
> 
> (I want nothing but Soft Things for the trio, is that so wrong?)


End file.
